My husband abruptly broke up with me as I was hemorrhaging in the hospital while I was 4 months pregnant with our second. It was a planned pregnancy. There were no arguments or anything leading up to it. I even had text messages a few days prior from him saying he loved me so so much. He gave me zero explanation towards why he left. At that point be basically did abandon our two year old, he said it wasn’t worth the wear and tear on his car to come up.

It wasn’t until 7 months later I found out he was cheating on me with over 20 women. He apologized and begged to stay in the kids life when the woman showed me his fetlife profile which is where I got confirmation for most of the cheating, yet his apology lasted a whole 3 days until he saw a different mistress and i filed divorce on my birthday with a 10 week old and 2 year old. Since then, visits have still been inconsistent with some 3 day visits at the house, but most months 1-2 visits at most. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand the visits at my house because being around him is too triggering since he failed to do any of the promises he made when I initially filed divorce.

The thing that bothers me so much, is if I basically shut up and ignore everything horrible he’s done to me, he’ll visit the kids and my older daughter does love him. Yet, when I finally gave him an ultimatum which was as basic as “treat me with respect and rebuild trust so I can trust you with the girls” he said he rather do zero visits than build any kind of friendship with me. My girls are now 8 months and 3. He’s offered to do visits with zero communication twice a month for 4hrs, but honestly, I’m just like why the hell would I do that. It feels bad enough he doesn’t care about seeing two babies only 8hrs a month but feels even worse he’d rather do no visits than treat me with basic decency. He also paid zero child support during the whole ordeal and knows ima teacher so he was wining and dining all these women while racking up over $15k in arrears now for our next court date in June.

I feel like deep down he’s going to abandon them anyway, I just feel bad that giving the ultimatum basically is speeding it up. His own mother didn’t know we had a second child when she contacted me in December. I’m just curious if there’s people who would suck it up and drop off the kids since my older one does enjoy seeing him, or if he’s made the decision to stop visits just end contact there