TLDR: MIL is hateful to Mom but wants to bond with new baby.

I (F37) and my Husband (M38) have been married for two years now. We have been together for 9 years, in total part of which was a long-distance relationship. In all those years I have made several attempts to build a relationship with his mother (60F).

When He and I began dating long distance She and I had a kind relationship. We spent time with each other, which was like spending time with my DH by proxy. We would go to lunch and go shopping and hang out on several occasions binge watching tv.

The first rift happened when He and I decided to meet up for dinner to celebrate a dating milestone. Since we were long distance, this meant a lot to me and I wanted things to be perfect. He would only be able to stay over 1 night so as not to be selfish I invite His mom and Stepdad to dine with us. She then proceeded to invite 4 other couples without telling me or her Him. I found out on the day of. Of course, the restaurant was unable to accommodate such a large party in our reservation. So, my Husband told his Mom, that this night is supposed to be special and that He would not ruin my plans and we ended up dining alone.

Since that date, she and I have no longer been on good terms. When the pandemic occurred, we decided to cohabitate, and I moved. While I tried to engage in conversation it always shifted to money or some random reason my husband should send it. After one particularly nasty email I quit reaching out completely.

He and I dated a couple more years and got married, of course she was late and delayed the ceremony. So in one last ditch effort to rekindle our relationship or at least be cordial MIL and I decided to talk at least twice a month by phone. While I have severe anxiety and the thought of a prolonged phone conversation made my stomach churn. I kindly agreed hoping this would fix things and put us back on a path of mutual respect.

So, for 1.5hrs twice a month I called, and updated my MIL on all the things Me and her son had eaten, done, seen and went through at work. These calls went on for 6 months before our next in person visit. Feeling happiness and joy that She and I were once again buddies, I even purchased a small gift for her. We arrived at her home and rang the doorbell, anticipating hugs and smiles. She indeed was joyful and invited us in.  My Husband gave a side hug and excused himself to the restroom. However, when I went to hug her, she turned her head and walked off back to her lazy boy. I was gutted. It was all fake.  I shrieked, “Wow Really?!”  To that she had zero response.

 Now that we have our new bundle of joy she wants to visit and spend time with her grandchild. However I feel that the bonding ship has left the port. She’ll see my baby on the rare occasions that I visit and definitely never alone. She had her chance to be kind instead she’s proven that she is malicious and calculated and I do not want that energy near my child.