So two days ago my mother (47F) called me (15F) spoiled, ungrateful, and entitled. The reason for that is because I told her I was depressed, suicidal, and that schoolwork was overwhelming me and getting hard to prioritize.

Now for context — me, my mother, and my brother (19M) had been living out of an SUV with my two German Shepherds, in and out of motels, for over a year. Things are a little better now — we’ve gotten help from an organization and we’ve been staying in a little motel they’re paying for. We’ve been here about 5 months, and they’ll help us with rent when we get an apartment.

Taking it back to two days ago — she basically confronts me about my grades. I tell her I do want a good future and I apologized for my grades, but also said it’s been hard when I have no motivation and I’m extremely tired throughout the day. She replies and tells me she doesn’t care and that everyone here (her and my brother) is going through stuff too, and I need to get over it because our situation is technically better than what it was.

Also, before getting into the next part, my mom’s always been kind of the black sheep of the family. I hate to say it but she’s kind of an angry person. She’s genuinely insane, she’s said that herself. Ever since my sister moved out (which is a huge story in itself), I’ve been getting treated like shit. I’m nowhere near a bad kid, I usually have good grades I don’t even talk back to her, but since I was 12 I’ve been getting slapped and called names like “bitch,” “fuck you,” “I hate you,” stuff like that. And what a coincidence, she only started doing that once my sister left. With that being said, I haven’t had the most kind feelings toward my mother since I was a kid. Like… I love her, but you know what I mean.

So back to the story, she basically asks me, while she’s already pissed, “what do you think of me?” or “why don’t you trust me?” It was something like that, I don’t really remember. And me, trying to keep the peace and not wanting to start an argument or share my true feelings, I say “I don’t know.” I figured maybe it was one of those rhetorical questions I could avoid, plus I wasn’t gonna answer it either way honestly.

She gets mad, tells me she’s tired of me constantly answering “I don’t know” to her questions, calls me entitled, tells me to stand up, hits me in the back with a belt, pushes me into the counter, and mushes my face. At this point I’m huffing and puffing, shaking, having a panic attack, and she’s thinking I’m huffing because I’m trying to fight or something. I’m trying to walk away but she’s following me, provoking me, getting in my face, talking about how she’d beat my ass. I was just like… ain’t no way. I was more confused than anything. But at the end of the day, I know this isn’t really about me. Every conversation ends up being about my sister and how I'm SO much like her and she won’t let another child turn out like her.

Bro. after doing all that and talking my ear off for another two hours, she sees I don’t really wanna look at her, and she starts calling me beautiful, trying to get me to smile, trying to end on a lighthearted note. Then she starts talking about God, how much she loves Him, and then asks me to think about how things would be if she died, literally just starts asking me to imagine if she wasn’t here, and how I should be grateful.

Like literally… what the actual fuck

It’s been two days since everything happened, and we haven’t talked about it at all after I told her I didn’t want to be here with her anymore. I don’t know what to do or say. She keeps telling me I’d hate it there with my family, and that my they'd would be jealous of me because I’m growing up now. She says they’d probably treat me like shit just because I’m her daughter.