Never thought I would end up here myself one day. So here it is: My GF (25) and I (23) are together for 2 Months now. The Relationship has been absolutely perfekt until now.

Im a big overthinker, and in most of my other relationships I always kept part of me in check, so I wouldnt have to overthink every part of my being, I kind of always made a presentable "slice" of myself. But she managed to get me out of this habit, made me open up about every single spontaneous negative thought and insecurity, and got me to accept every part of myself, because "cares about me thst much, and would not want me to unhappy because Ive bottled up something deep inside". Mind you, I return the favor of course , by being mindful of her struggles, helping her where I can, listening to what she needs to vent.

Every other part of the relationship is just spektacular, and we talk about it a lot, because we are both overthinkers. So I pretty much love this girl a ton, you get the gist.

Now I know that she was just a tiny bit promiscuous, at certain point in her life, so I made it a point not to talk about this topic with her, since it would fuel insecurities and overthinking sessions. I was totally okay with it, just did not want to talk about it, or a bodycount at all for that matter, and she knows this. She also knows, that I very much appretiate if my partner is mindful of what the say, if the topic could be hurtful or would put me in an uncomfortable Situation around others.

This gets us to yesterday evening: I was invited to a friends party, a big occasion that happens twice a year. I asked if I could take her with me and he was fine with it(she wasnt drinking btw, only I was). Mind you, she already met some of my friends and they loved her, especially my best friends(M) boyfriend(M)(the Host), and I was so happy about it.

The party was great. At this point I have to include, that GF is a little socially akward around people she doesnt know, so I made it a point to always be near her and include her in the diffrent friend circles, and to have my arm around her waist or hold her hand (we both appretiate touch in stressfull situations). Once she left to talk to talk to a girl with a similar outfit (she is very much alt/metal and I love it) and they made friends, which I was so happy about, and went outside, where I checked on her every now and then until they came back.

We all and all enjoyed the party very much until we, as is tradition, sat down in the next room, with mostly just the fusion of my friendgroup and best friends boysfriends friendgroup, to smoke shisha. It was very nice the first couple of hours but I actually started getting tired around 3 am.

I dont know how we got to the topic, but a friend of started talking about an ex of hers, and she was kinda ranting. Somehow my GF knew him to and started ranting about him too.

Now the reason for this huge fucking text: She turned to me and said: "cover your ears" I said no She said: "then I wont say it"(to the group). The group of course wanted to know what she was going to say and I of course knew what was coming. The friend that started the conversation then covered my ears and she said something to the group that everyone was going crazy about. I at this point was hearing my heart pound in my ears, ans was again wide awake. Of course she said, that they fucked once upton a time. This is not my issue at core.

My issues are:

1. She excluded me from my friend group, to tell them something, even though they barely know each other

2. She told them something I am insecure about, and she knows it, thats also why she wanted me to cover my ears

3. Making me cover my ears doesnt disable thinking and by extention overthinking, even tho I knew the topic

4. This was the most uncomfortable situation anyone has ever put me in, and se just talked about my issues with and not understanding of people who arent mindful enough, to be able to realise this

5. When she realised I was angry, she wanted to talk about it, like she always does, to lighten my mood. But she started this infront of my friends, even they they were all occupied with another topic, and then was suprised when I did not want to talk to her about it there. Of course I would not want to out this infront of the whole group

It was a complete breach of trust all around

Anyways, we went outside to talk about it, and I could tell, she did not realise my issues with this before I told her. I then listed the first 3 points, then I fucked up and asked her if she is stupid because she did not realise my issues with this, even tho she always is the person to want to talk about our issues, and we talked about all this extensively several times a week for the entire relationship.

So after we stayed maybe another half hour and went to my place, because I bought some things for her, and the plan was to get them and go back to her place after. When we were at mine, i started talking to her about everything in detail, totally calm, not even with a condescending or judgeful connotation. But she was really emotional because she felt really bad about it. I tried to comfort her, even tho I was hurt a lot, but she blocked me off. I waited until she calmed down. Then she apologized profusely and in extrem detail, and told me she did not mean to do it, which I very much appretiated, but all I could answer was I know.

After, I told her, that I would be staying at my place, and to drive home safely, and asked her if she could send me a text when she gets home. I also send her a text saying this doesnt change the fact that I worry about her, and that she should please take care of herfelf but that I need time to think. This may be a good point to include, that she struggles with self mutilation.

Yea, I havent received one or any lifesign for that matter and am about to drive over there.

Sorry for the long text guys

Sincerley, overthinking fucking idiot