I (27F) and my husband (30M) are not very conservative and I never cared if other people use substances as long as it isn’t some kind of addiction or hard substance abuse, but our families are very conservative and don’t tolerate drugs of any sort.

My husband did not smoke while we were in a relationship, however, he did smoke prior to that and it wasn’t an issue for me. All his friends and siblings confirmed that it was never serious or addiction on his behalf. After we got engaged, my husband smoked a couple of times with friends but I didn’t think much of it. His behavior started to change towards me and he became delusional, accusing me of cheating on him without any sort of reason to discredit my trust and becoming very aggressive with me, he never laid his hands on me, but he was sure threatening to. The fight was escalated, both of our families found out about the fight but never about the reason. From that day on, my husband swore never to smoke again and to work on himself which was the only reason I continued our relationship and married him. I took his word for it.

Since then, I have caught him smoking weed again once and it broke my heart. It is important to mention that my issue isn’t the weed itself, even his siblings admitted that he always gets very aggressive after he sobers up and his behavior changes. The effect that it has on him in the aftermath, the terrible behavior towards myself and other people, the fact that he lied to me and the sheer betrayal of my trust deeply hurt me. He was very ashamed of himself and pleaded for my forgiveness, out of love for him, I stayed.

Now, I have caught him smoking again. When I found the weed, a part of me just turned numb and I couldn’t give any reaction. When I confronted him, he said that it belongs to a friend whom he had met earlier that day (that friend actually always has weed on him). It was hard for me to believe that this friend just so happened to leave his stash in my husband’s car or that my husband didn’t use any of it. have called him a liar and lost my cool with him. When I refused to believe him, he finally admitted that he shared it with his friend and did smoke as he is going through a very difficult time at work and with his family, he needed to relax and saw it as his way out. I have tried my best to support him during this difficult time. He has yelled and behaved quite badly but I stayed quiet and supported him nonetheless even when he hurt my feelings, only to find out that he’s probably been so awful because he started smoking again.

This turned into a huge fight for us, and he’s said several very hurtful things to me that cut me like a knife. I feel so betrayed and my trust has truly dimmed, I feel like he is capable of anything now because he was able to hide something he knew would hurt me from me. This time around he wasn’t even apologetic and did not feel any guilt whatsoever, when I looked into his eyes it was like all love for me had deprived from him. He continued saying that I can’t control him or force him to live his life according to my rules, and that he only agreed not to smoke again because I would’ve broken off the engagement, not because of his own will.

We’re still on very bad terms but he once again promised to quit. I know most people don’t see weed as a big deal, myself included, but I don’t want to be with someone who crosses my boundaries or ever treats me badly, with or without influence of substances. I agreed to try to give him another chance given that he works on himself. But, I told him that if he ever happens to smoke again, I will not hesitate to leave him and expose him to his family, who under no circumstances take this matter lightly and might cut him off financially as he works in his family business, and weed is illegal where we live, I fear they might even turn him over to the police. I fear I may have gone too far for that, but I’m definitely at my last straw with him and I don’t know if I can forgive him. AITAH?