This is going to be long, and I'm sure there's so much more i could add. I was raised in a very poor and disfunctional family. I was neglected, ex. left for a week at a time to fend for ourselves getting change from my parents change jar to walk to the store to buy food and laundry soap at 12. Down right abused, punched in the face given bloody noses, knocked out, split lips, bruises and welts kind of abuse. You name it, and worse and I've probably been through it. So I am in no way perfect, I will always have flaws, and I tend to walk away from chaos and trauma very quickly even if that means eliminating my own child to keep my peace.

I began early following the cycle, got with an abuser/ cheater/ liar at 15, pregnant at 17, married at 19. Despite a really rough start, I broke the cycle. I did the best i could while I was in it. I worked 2-3 jobs while in college full time. There were so many nights i didn't get to sleep because i had to make dinner, get kids to bed, clean the house, and do homework just to get up and do it again the next day without breaks. I don't know how I made it through, I think I went on autopilot and only thought of getting my kids out. By the time I got out I had 4 kids 10 and under. I graduated with a 3.5gpa 4 kids, working 2 jobs. Then I filed for a divorce. I became a single mom of 4 working 60-70hrs a week doing everything alone. No one around me helped, but Instead they called me into police and cps despite me doing nothing wrong and made life a living hell.

Eventually I cut ties with almost everyone. My kids didn't understand and were not happy about it but it's what I had to do to shield them from the chaos we had been living in. After about a year i met an amazing man and began building even better, being able to give more opportunity to my kids and an even greater start in life. This daughter (my second oldest) was excelling at life. Top of her class and so much motivation to do the most in life. So I made the decision to move to the best school (which was within an hour of our location) to provide her the best opportunity. She wanted to be a doctor or surgeon. I've always told my kids I don't care what you do, just do something. I refuse to become the mom with a 40yr old unemployed child living in the basement.

We were extremely close. The kind of kid i never had to watch over her shoulder, never had to tell what to do or not to do. She got all the freedom to do as she pleases whenever she wanted. She ever bragged saying she could leave at 2am and i wouldn't question it and would allow this (idk if I'd go that far lol, but i let her think it). She would often tell me how great of a mother I am and that she doesn't know if she could be that great so she wasn't sure she even wanted kids (I assured her she'd do great). She would often tell me how i always showed up to everything for her. She did very well, exceeded any expectation anyone could have. Graduated high school at a 4.4gpa and graduated college 1 semester later with an associates degree. I threw her a graduation party and spent a fortune, due to our toxic family and her over participation in school, there was not a very large crowd that showed. Not even her own dad who showed until we were cleaning up and only gave her $25. Everything was going great until she met a boy. She fell in love and being her first love she did not handle her emotions well. She would come home upset every day. Crying because of something he said or did. He told her he only wanted a gf for high-school and wanted to go off to college single. She talked him out of leaving. He constantly lied, led her to believe he was a Virgin and they lost it together (carried this on 9 months and let her talk about it several times) . When he thought she was sleeping he would tell his friends he'd lie to her and say she couldn't go places cause he wanted to go without her. He'd eat the last slice of pizza in front of her without offering 1 slice while she was hungry. Get a drink and never ask her if she wanted anything. And he didn't want to be at our home, he wouldn't socialize. If he did come around to the point that my other children didn't even know his name after months of them dating. I must add that we are not a money flashy family. We are not poor but we don't live in a fancy house and drive fancy cars, while his family definitely does. I did my best to comfort her I laid with her, rubbed her head, hugged her, kissed her, Told her it's not her fault, etc. She ended up starting anxiety medication due to these stresses and constantly overwhelming herself with school, work, etc. Yes, i also asked her to clean up after herself and do 1 chore to contribute to the household. She also helped get her siblings on the bus to help make my life easier if she was already going to be home and I couldn't be. I continuously told her to take a break, that she doesn't need to rush and do this all at once. Told her to take the summer off and travel a little or do something fun. She ultimately refused and I gave her $500 to help pay for her last semester of college that summer (the school program paid for the rest of her associates degree, part of the reason we moved here) . After months of this her anxiety peaked. I layed in her bed rubbing her back and head for at least an hour. I explained that this is this boys character he is showing. She would make excuses like he's young. Explained that if she can tolerate that behavior fine, but if not to stop planning a future with him and just have fun. This is where she lost it on me. Told me everything was my fault, that I don't like him and told her she needed to leave him (which I never said). I left the room that night not knowing what to do but gave her her space. The next day I asked all the kids to get their chores done. Not knowing who's dishes they were I asked them to figure it out and please get it done. This resulted in her arguing with and intimidating my 11 yr old. When I asked her to stop she remained argumentative so I told her if she continued she could do them herself and argument is just done. She did the dishes, but she screamed at me, belittled me, and told me she's leaving to never speak to me again. That I would not be allowed at her wedding, around her children, etc. Told her if that's what she wants and walked away. She left while I was in the shower and didn't come home that night. Next day I had 8 kids at the house and she came over very angrily trying to collect her things. I asked her to please stop after letting her get her clothes, and come back tomorrow so we can talk when I don't have so many kids around that don't need to see chaos. She proceeded to charge at me, attack me and try to take everything (even the things that weren't hers). Eventually she called and involved police who let her get a few more clothes and told her to go. She went off to college 2 weeks later and we didn't see our speak to each other for months. I still invited/ included her in holidays and such. So we did eventually makeup but we were not nearly as close as we were as she was still blaming me for everything.

For her birthday I always used to take her to dinner/lunch, just us, do something special. This year she told me she wouldn't be over until the day after. When she came over the day after she bragged how she had a girls day with her boyfriends family, how they went to eat and had a good time in a neighboring tour town. This was a Stab in my chest, she excluded me completely, didn't even tell me until it was over. She only stayed about 30 minutes and collected a birthday card that I gave with $100 in it. She left then later sent a picture of her hibachi lunch she was having with her boyfriend asking if I was jealous. Never once did she acknowledge or say thank you for the birthday card or money. I did not acknowledge any of this. I never acted upset at all as I felt it was her attempt to hurt me and I wasn't going to feed into it.

Fast forward, I haven't seen her since but we've messaged over medical stuff, insurance, I gave her access to our community center membership and so on, so we were very peaceful. Then I get a call from my best friend whom is walking in the graduation ceremony for the same college. She said she spoke to my daughter and she was willing to give her the 1 extra ticket she had left after giving her boyfriend and his family the rest. She acknowledged not telling me or inviting me. Even said she didn't tell me because she knew I'd be upset. This broke me, 10000%. I've lived all these years with giving my kids the best opportunity I could possibly provide, my everything went into giving them an easier life and she just excluded me from this moment? These moments is cry because I know I made it, this is her Accomplishment for her life but also one of my biggest accomplishments in mine. This means I made it out, I got my kids out. Instead, She replaced me with this other mom that's going to dump her the second her son tires of her? How could she? Every time I try to talk to her she tells me things I didn't say or do, tells me im controlling, then when I tell her that didn't happen or I never said those things she just says she knows what was implied. I didn't try to imply anything and gave her the freedom to choose everything on her own, only offered advice and wisdom as requested. She took and twisted it into something different and ran with it. I am not perfect and I'm certain I've made a ton of mistakes, but do i deserve this? It's killing me inside to even think this way. AITAH if I choose to seperate myself from this pain she keeps inflicting on me? When is enough enough? Is this something I should forgive? Cause I'm not sure i can in this moment.