My stepmom did not invite me on the family vacation.

Apologies for the long entry, but I need to give a little more information for you to understand a bit better)

I (30 year old Female) was not invited on the family vacation. A little background- My dad met my step mom around the time I was about 5yrs old, and married at some point thereafter. They proceeded to have my younger brother who is 10 years my junior and then another child (my sister) 10 years after my brother, putting her 20 yrs my junior. I have no full siblings, only half and step between each parent. My brother (now 21yrs) old informed me of this information. He had said she had called him and stated that him and his girlfriend have flights booked for the family vacation, that all they need to do is show up and the rest of it’s paid for. She followed up by stating, “don’t tell your sister, I don’t want her with, she’s too much drama.” After that I realized I have little to no desire to remain in contact with her or my dad. I’m not entirely sure how to state everything but I’m considering a letter. Sure, in the past there have been some emotional instances but nothing absurd or just downright crazy, whatsoever. The previous gathering I wanted to leave as my boyfriend and I were not getting along but I didn’t express that to anyone there. And even if some of the family is a bit more expressive is that really means for no invite? Idk I’m not really hurt that I didn’t get to go but it’s the principle of it all, the fact that you specifically said not to tell me and that you do not want me there.

Even further backstory.. my dad and step mom had fought for custody for me and I was forced to live with them from the end of my 4th grade year until my senior year when I asked if I could go live with my mother and her new husband and my other siblings. It has always been very clear that my step mother’s children came before myself which I don’t think is entirely evil, however you(as in they) chose to remove me to bring me into your home..it is now your responsibility to fill the voids. To even further the damage, It seems she continues to make derogatory comments about me to my siblings “she was a habitual liar” she’d tell my brother because my younger sister has some questionable texts on her new phone. “I never had to go through yours but your (older) sister I did bc she was a liar.” Or, when my sister friend asked if I what gone to college she replies “she went for her generals”..mind you, this is the same AA degree that she has but had to word it in such a way that my accomplishment is less than. This is also the same woman who forced me to go to the doctors to determine if I had been sexually active (I had not) and proceeded to force me on the table so they could examine me with a metal speculum. It was a rather traumatic experience as the nurse tried to comfort me. Same women whom I continually noticed a clear difference in affection from me to my brother end when I finally had the confidence to express that I needed more of that (my bio mother is extremely affectionate), that she mocked and ridiculed me asking if that’s what I want, and embarrassed and confused I simply said no and never brought it up again.

I think this was as short and simple as I could get it, and I guess I’m just curious how the people of Reddit would advise or handle it. I don’t wish to be mean or cruel. I genuinely want to handle this with care because I don’t want to look back and think, I should or could have handled that much better. I could also see me not being as upset over it if they hadn’t invited and paid for my brothers girlfriend, nor would I expect the to pay for me, but an invite would have been nice. I think I’ll write a letter, still undecided. Am I crazy to be hurt/upset? I know even if I was crazy or “dramatic” that wouldn’t cede my bio mother from inviting me.. I’m also not really surprised about my father allowing this because he was pretty much mia while growing up.