Apologies for the long rant/story in advance! It’s my first time posting on here!

I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with my second child and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’ve been struggling for a long time with my in-laws—especially my father-in-law—and I don’t know how much more I can endure. I’ve tried to be the bigger person, tried to keep the peace, and tried to protect my family. But at this point, I’m running on fumes. I’m sad. I’m bitter. And I’m completely burnt out from all this family drama.

My father-in-law is one of the most toxic, manipulative, and emotionally volatile people I’ve ever met. He’s the kind of man who hides cruelty behind “jokes” — degrading, sexist, belittling jabs — and if you dare call him out, you’re the problem. You “can’t take a joke,” you “have no sense of humor,” you’re “too sensitive.”

He constantly guilts my husband by bringing up the past — how he paid for sports lessons and invested his time, how he’s the reason my husband got into a certain sport, how he “sacrificed everything,” like he’s collecting on some emotional IOU that never expires. It’s gross and manipulative. And honestly? It works sometimes. My husband does stick up for me, but he’s been worn down by years of emotional blackmail and often tells me to “just ignore it,” because “we know what he’s like.” But I’m done ignoring it.

This man has screamed at me. Cursed at me. Called me names — vile, ugly things — while I was pregnant with my first child. Right in front of my husband. That led to a period of no contact, but of course it didn’t last, because his wife (my MIL) runs interference for him every single time. She’s the queen of guilt-tripping us into forgiving him, brushing it under the rug, and playing peacemaker — always at our expense.

He ruined my first pregnancy. We tried to announce it in a cute, thoughtful way (they live out of state), sending a package with “grandma” and “grandpa” mugs and a card. We asked them to call us before opening it so we could do it together over video. They ignored that, opened it without us, and then accused us of being “secretive” and disrespectful — because we told my parents directly. He barely acknowledged me for the rest of the pregnancy because of course, it’s all somehow my fault once again. Understandably, I was visibly upset and decided to put them on an information diet for the rest of the pregnancy. I suppose my MIL had asked him to remedy the situation and he reached out, and begrudgingly apologized.

A few months after I gave birth, I unfortunately was hospitalized and needed surgery. We asked them to come help. They stayed with my parents (we have a small one bedroom). When they gently laughed/teased him at how he worded something in conversation (not making fun of him as a person), he exploded. He literally told them to “go f*** themselves,” screamed it, and then stormed off, driving like a lunatic. After they opened their home to him. That disaster took months to mend, and my parents still want nothing to do with him.

And it hasn’t gotten better. During this pregnancy, we visited them for my husband’s birthday and to see his grandmother and visit his parents. I asked before putting my toddler to bed if I had time to shower before dinner (no formal plans since they didn’t deem it was necessary to celebrate their son’s birthday) — they said yes. When I came down less than an hour later, dinner was over and no one had even told me. No apology. Nothing. I had told my husband that I felt disrespected and he agreed that he should have notified me or asked them to hold off, but again it’s the people pleaser in him when it comes to his family. The next day, when I tried to do a little cake and candles for my husband, his father stormed downstairs to the kitchen, accused me of purposely excluding them, and verbally attacked me again. He even refused to say goodbye and acknowledge me when we left the next day.

And the final straw? They bailed on our son’s first birthday after confirming they’d be here. Canceled just days before, no real excuse, no apology. And still, they have the audacity to guilt my husband into reconciling with his dad — as if we are the ones tearing the family apart.

I’m furious. I’m heartbroken. And I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t want them staying with us. I don’t even want them visiting after I give birth. But I feel so guilty — for my husband, for our kids, for wanting to just cut them off completely.

TL;DR: My father-in-law is emotionally abusive, sexist, and manipulative. He’s screamed at me, called me horrible names (even while pregnant), and constantly belittles me under the guise of “jokes.” My MIL enables it and guilt-trips us into forgiving him. He ruined both my pregnancies with his behavior, disrespects me constantly, and now they’ve bailed on our son’s first birthday. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and done. I want no visits, no contact—but I feel guilty for my husband and kids. I just want peace

I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones. But I’ve been humiliated, yelled at, ignored, and insulted for years — and I’m tired. So tired. I want peace. I want safety. I want to protect my kids from this cycle of emotional dysfunction. So… AITAH?