When I 23M first met my college friend 20M, I was getting over a closeted situationship and told him about my pain. He’d check in on me, help w internship searches, and tease me about being a fob and a f**.

For 3 months we texted almost daily while he was in another city, and had movie nights over facetime—including VDay, which he initiated. But he’d always go to bed when it came to his sexuality.

Before coming out, he’d make suggestive jokes. Like telling me when he shaved his “ass crack”.

me: yeah don’t put yourself in risky situations him: are you a risky situation?

me: sends pic w a dog him: which one’s the dog? this one’s cute, the dog too

me: is it gay to tell you i miss u? him: idts. and even if it is… me: i can’t wait for you to come back he reacts with a heart

me: sends pic of 2 cats kissing him: wish that was me with someone me: with whom no reply

me: i love hugging all my friends him: but not me 🤨 me: uhhh you never asked for one him: alright i will start asking from now on

him: your profile pic is so majestic. every time we chat, its like an angel is looking down

him: btw if i ever cross a line let me know me: are there any lines you wanna cross him: only those u want me to cross

me: sends cake pic him: looks nice and yellow, like you me: it’s the lighting. so it’s actually nice and brown like you him: you’re calling me sweet? and tasty? me: how am i supposed to know if you’re tasty or not? him: good point. easy fix

Back in college now, he texted me to go to his apartment. I sleepover every day in his room for 10 days. We’d play video games in his bed, and I’d lean on his shoulder in his bed and ask if it was okay. 3 times we did that. And he asked me if he smelled. So I’d put my face to his arms to smell him. I’d put my arm around his and lean on his shoulder at 5am while waiting for a cab. He’d feed me a sandwich or a banana while he’s holding it. He said he loved how natural our convos were, that he didn’t feel stressed about finding things to talk about with me.

I felt bad using his room, asked why he was okay with it. He said: it’s nice to have someone to say good morning/good night to. me: maybe you need a girlfriend he frowns me: or a boyfriend him: yeah maybe

Once while picking out clothes before a shower: me: what should i wear? him: wear nothing me: be careful what you wish for him: wear nothing wear nothing wear nothing

I asked his type. He’d say: I’ll tell you when I’m drunk. Another time: I don’t have a type. Later: I told you the solution would be to get me drunk.

This week, I finally asked: me: are you gay? him: yes me: did you ever see me as more than a friend? him: i just saw you as a really close friend me: i can take it if i’m not your type him: i can’t do a relationship for 5 yrs. it’d be selfish to come out. it’d “kill” a part of my parents. it’s a reasonable compromise—they moved to the US to give me a better future.

He apologized for leading me on, said I could take space but ghosting him would be fked up. Said I deserve to live openly, not be dragged down by someone who won’t be out for years.

A mutual said he’s going thru a lot, his family’s his priority, and his type is bulky, hairy, brown men. I’m east asian. She said he’s socially inept and doesn’t know what’s too intimate.