I’m so sorry for the length but I really need some advice so I hope someone can read this. I posted this on relationship advice but didn’t get any responses and I’m kind of desperate.

I’ve been best friends with a group of girls (we’ll call them Jessica, Alana, and Britney) since high school (2010). We’re a group, but in the group we have our “pairs” and me and Alana have always been a pair and Jessica and Britney have been a pair. Best friends within the best friend group. I was so close with Alana - we did everything together. Even when I moved a few hours away from school.

Fast forward to 2020, and I break up with my long-term abusive boyfriend and so does Jessica. Jessica and I move in together, and the group is so happy to be back together. Alana and Britney are the only 2 left in relationships.

After a group hangout one night, Britney and Alana head home. Jessica and I get a call shortly after, and it’s Alana crying and freaking out because she came home..grabbed her boyfriend’s phone and locked herself in the car(?) and went through it and found out he was cheating. We told her we were coming to get her and she could spend the night with us..she said ok. We get there around midnight despite having to work the next day, and Alana tells us to hang on they’re just talking. We wait. We wait until 2 am. Then she comes out the house and sits in the car and asks where we wanna go. We were confused and said home bc it’s 2 am and we’re here to grab you so you can come spend the night at our place to get away from this?

She said oh no never mind, I’m gonna spend the night here. So we were obviously a bit upset at this and I gave her a tough-love kind of conversation about what happened, how she’s worth more and needs to leave him etc etc. she was very quiet and things felt awkward and long story short, she got out and we went home.

The next day all three of us invite her over to mine and Jessica’s house and we have flowers and chocolate waiting for her. She acts oblivious about why we got her flowers and are being so weird. We said because we presumed she’d be upset about her boyfriend cheating on her. She said she’s fine and wants to move on. So we share a look but respect her wishes.

Things have NEVER been the same with me and Alana. She told Jessica and Britney that she was more mad at ME for the conversation I had with her (I was trying to be a good friend! Of course I don’t want my best friend to be with a cheater! I would expect all my friends to do the same for me!) than she was at her boyfriend for cheating.

That really hurt me. I gave her some space, and we eventually drifted to only talking in the groupchat and at very sparse group hangouts. It’s been this way ever since. We both know things are not the same, but we don’t really acknowledge it. I don’t say anything because I just miss my friend and want things to go back to normal. I text her all the time and tell her I miss her, let’s hang out soon etc.

She says the same..but things never come to fruition. Even recently, she just broke up with said cheating boyfriend so Jessica and I wanted to bake her a congrats on the breakup cake and hang out and give it to her. She said she wasn’t free because she has to work, then later posted to her story hanging out this girl that she’s most definitely become best friends with over the last few years.

We had a group hangout a few weeks ago and the whole vibe was SO AWKWARD because something felt so off with her. She was quiet and barely interacting with us. She didn’t even acknowledge me when I sat down next to her until I said something. I brushed it off but it hurt.

I brought her flowers and coffee to work the other day when she told me she officially broke up with the boyfriend, but she was in a staff meeting (I didn’t know I wanted to surprise and cheer her up) so I didn’t even really get to talk to her, but she was grateful for the flowers and posted it on insta and tagged me.

Anyway…all that to say so you know the status of our friendship and how uncomfortable things really are right now.

I keep trying to save our best-friendness and do stupid things like ask her if she wants to go to a concert to an artist we used to love and see when we were younger. She said yes and talked about how excited she is! But the concert is on Tuesday and we haven’t talked since she said thank you for the flowers…and honestly, after our last hang out where I kinda just sat quietly beside her really has me feeling sad and not interested in going to spend time with her one on one anymore.

I don’t know what to do. Go to the concert and try to pretend like everything is okay like I have for the last 5 years, or tell her I’m not up for it and offer my ticket to her friend so they can go? I feel like I would be more comfortable with the second option because I really am just so sad about the loss of our friendship and the idea of standing next to her, singing along to songs we used to scream together…just idk. It feels awful to think about.

Please give me some advice on what to do about the event, and I guess the friendship in general? Having a sit down conversation with her about this stuff would NOT go well so it’s not really an option. My peaceful options are: go and pretend and then stop making any attempts to keep a friendship going, or bow out of the event and also still stop making any attempts to keep a friendship going.

I think I’m done being the only one..but idk. My head is so muddy I need an outsiders perspective. Please help.

TL;DR: my best friend got upset with me for a tough-love conversation around her cheating boyfriend 5 years ago, and friendship hasn’t been the same. I keep trying and it doesn’t seem like she does. Last hangout was super awkward and uncomfortable for me, but we have a concert coming up this week bc I’m dumb and keep trying to get us to connect. Do I go, or do I bow out and say somethings come up? Move on with my life? AITAH?