TLDR: I turn thirty in a couple weeks and I didn’t want to do anything for it, my friend, boyfriend and sister started organising an afternoon at the pub with friends and family. Told me about it to invite other people. I said thanks it’s sweet but I don’t want to do anything for it and have been made to feel bad for asking them to cancel it.

I have never liked my birthday. I have had so many awful ones for various reasons even as a child. I have always been shy and not enjoyed attention. I did think maybe I would have a party this year so looked into hiring some spaces or big tables to have a dinner with people I love. When I asked people if they were free a few months ago not many were, and also the minimum spend costs were astronomical and I didn’t feel comfortable covering it and or asking people to commit to spending upwards of £30/each.

So I thought fine whatever will just do nothing again. At least there’s no expectation or anticipation to then be let down as I have been so many times around my own birthday. FYI I love other peoples birthdays!!! I’m not a totally sourpuss!

Last week my boyfriend, sister and a friend added me to a group chat to say hi you’re being invited to your own surprise party because we don’t know all your friends. Please invite people we’ve booked a pub for 5 hours all afternoon and invited some people already.

I did find this very sweet, saying so, but also said I didn’t want to do anything. Even if it is “just the pub and very low key” “a Saturday anyway” etc.

When they said some of the people they’d invited several were periphery friends too aka not people I really love as they are all busy - as asked months ago.

I left it and then voiced again I really didn’t want to do anything.

I’ve since then been made to feel really ungrateful and weird by them for not wanting to celebrate.

But even the thought of having a party likes this fills me with anxiety - maybe silly as these are people who like me I think - but I feel really uncomfortable. Especially as the pub they’d booked isn’t very close to any of them and they always moan about how far I live or travelling in general so I always go to them.

Am I the asshole? :(