Hi everyone ( Apologies in advance for this long post..)

I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant, and I’ve been feeling completely unlike myself for the past month. I have zero motivation, constant nausea, and feel emotionally drained. Some days I even question if I made the right decision having our second which breaks my heart because I am excited to meet our baby. But the symptoms, the exhaustion, and the emotional weight are just too much right now. I’ve heard of moms experiencing depression in the first trimester, and honestly, I feel like I’m living it.

My husband is doing his best, working from home, caring for our toddler, cleaning, and supporting me in every way he can. But even with all of that, I feel guilty. The house is falling behind, and I feel like I’m failing. I can’t clean, cook, or even shower some days. I’m just not enjoying this pregnancy at all, and I don’t know what to do.

On top of that, today my husband and I got into an argument that triggered a lot of bottled-up emotions. It was about his side of the family. Specifically, about him checking in with his sister which, in any normal situation, should be totally fine. But here’s the backstory…

Last year during the holidays, we had just moved to a new state, settled into our new home, our toddler had started preschool, and both my husband and I started new full-time jobs. It was a hectic time & everything was new, and we were trying to find our rhythm as a family. Hubs family decided they want to visit last minute, and overstay close to my bday weekend which leaves me less room to plan things around it. She was pregnant at the time, and we really wanted to be understanding, so I kept quiet and told my husband it's okay but we need boundaries and then everything went downhill.

I tried staying out of her way, but somehow, my family became a problem in her eyes. She accused us of stealing attention and dragged my family into things that had nothing to do with them all because she assumed. Despite that, I tried to be the bigger person. I apologized to their family group chat, even when I didn’t have to. I just wanted peace. My husband followed my lead, even though it’s hard for him to say sorry. His dad actually commended him for standing his ground, but it was still a painful situation. What hurt the most was when they overlooked our son's birthday and made it obvious on social media , as if to punish us. That’s when the “mama bear” in me came out. I was devastated.. We invited them a week before and settled down for a mini celebration with his cousins around his age at arcade/bowling because he just loves bowling. You know why we couldn't throw a party at our new house? because they planned their babyshower around my son's bday weekend which will require us to travel and not plan much for our son's birthday. That means the family on their side will have to choose which party to attend and which travel they should spend on. But I kept telling my husband, it's okay let them have their moment. It's a special moment for them. But everytime she keeps demanding to my husband, he keeps defending me and our family, and I really admired him for that. So instead of reconciliation, it became a “who do you choose” situation for her. She said it was her first and their parent before my husband had me and his kid. Hah!

Months later, as my sister-in-law approached her due date, I encouraged my husband to check in on her. I told him maybe she just needed support or was scared. I even helped him figure out what to say: something simple like, “I miss you.” I genuinely hoped this would help mend their relationship.

But once again, she turned it into a personal attack against me. She told him he should talk to other people besides me, so he could have a “different perspective.” She made it sound like I was controlling him and the source of all conflict when all I’ve ever done is protect my peace and support his relationships, even when they didn’t include me. She even left me out of their family group chat when she gave birth something small maybe, but it just feels really intentional.

What hurts is not that he checked in with her, but that we had just set a boundary that we would be there if they reached out first. We tried before, many times, and she always made it clear she wasn’t interested in repairing things. So when my husband broke that boundary, it felt like a betrayal, like everything we went through, everything we tried to stand up for as a family, was just brushed aside. And now, I’m afraid the door is open again for them to attack me or even hurt our child emotionally, and we’ll be right back where we started even though my husband just genuinely miss his sister. My hubby is a giant teddy bear but as a wife, I also have to be open to him. I questioned him, that after being the "go to" person for so long in his family, why can't he choose to build his own and be celebrated and supported? Am i such a bad person for them to trample over me and our kid over something like this? The main cause for my anxiety and my depression during my first pregnancy and now with my second has always been them. But thanks to that my husband and I always comes back stronger than ever. We had issues with his mom about the same situation but much worse, but I never had issues with my FIL. His dad even cared for me during my postpartum and cooked for me, even though it was a small gesture it stuck with me for good!

I guess what I’m really asking is ...am I wrong to feel this way? To feel hurt, betrayed, and like I’m always the one trying to keep the peace, while getting blamed for everything? I don’t want to create division, and I truly want my husband to have a healthy relationship with his sister. But I also want to protect myself and my family.. especially right now when I feel so vulnerable.

I’d really appreciate any thoughts, advice, or perspective on this navigating first trimester. I know family dynamics can be complicated, but I just don’t want to feel alone in this anymore.

Thank you for reading. ❤️