Hi Folks, I need to know, AITAH? I (30F) and my partner (30M) are expecting our first baby this November. We are very excited for this chapter in our lives. To provide context, my parents have been divorced since I was young, and both remarried. To keep this part short, my dad and his wife put me through a lot of emotional abuse when I was a teen, and kicked me out when I was 14, and I stopped seeing my dad entirely after I turned 15. Ive been to a lot of therapy and have mostly healed from that time. However, I was still hesitant on forming a relationship again as I did not wish to have one with his wife, and he has consistently given the ultimatum that its "all of us or none of us."

Last year, at a family members funeral, we reconnected, and I had hope that things would be better. I invited my dad and his wife to my graduation from my masters program, and we arranged to have dinner a few weeks later.

Dinner came, and they invited my step sister (33F), who I had already had a conversation with on needing time and space for a while, while I adjusted and we navigated this relationship as adults. I was very clear in these boundaries and very cordial, I thought dinner had gone well, and then we all said bye, and then not 5 minutes after we left, I get a call from my dad saying "I'm not sure what happened between you and [Step sister] but shes really upset."

Mind you, nothing happened. I just did not hug her. She hardly engaged in any conversation with the table for the entire dinner and didn't come up to say bye. Which was fine...

Anyways, the conversation went south, and it turned into how some people just have a harder time with accepting boundaries and my response was "That's not my problem. If she has an issue, she needs to come talk to me like an adult." And then she ended up texting me the next day and I was honest that I was not ready for a relationship and thought we had agreed regarding needing time and space. And then I never heard from her or my dads wife again. This was last September...

Fast forward to present day, I sent him a message this week letting him know I am pregnant, that I would love for him to be involved in his grandchild's life, and that I ask he respect my following boundaries:
-The relationship would be exclusively with him. While it may change in the future to have a relationship with his wife and adopted daughter, it is not something I am open to at the moment.
-I ask that there is no pressures placed on me to form relationships with other said family members
-I do not wish to discuss past issues. At this time, I want to focus on my health and my baby's well being.

His response to me was along the lines of "You're putting an ultimatum on me and singling me out which will perpetuate the animosity that should have never existed in the first place. When we met up in September we thought we were all on the road to recover and mending our family. What changed and why? Why can't we put everything behind us and start fresh? This is not my choice to be made." (mind you, this was not the entire message.)

I feel that I have received my answer in that he took my boundaries as an ultimatum, when I really was just asking to have a relationship with him. I never said he needed to leave his family, I just asked that I not be pressured into having a relationship with them at this time.

I have fully blocked my dad, his wife, and adopted daughter at this point. I feel that I have tried to have healthy adult relationships with my dad and voice what I think are reasonable boundaries as we worked to rebuild on an already shaky foundation.

So tell me reddit... AITAH?

TLDR: I (30F) am pregnant with my first child and tried setting boundaries with my estranged father who emotionally abused me as a teen and kicked me out at 14. After reconnecting last year, I asked to have a relationship just with him while I'm pregnant, without pressure to include his wife and adopted daughter who I have a difficult history with. He rejected this, framing my boundaries as an "ultimatum" and saying "this is not my choice to be made." I've now blocked them all. AITAH for wanting a relationship with just my dad while setting boundaries about his wife and adopted daughter?