Ok let me start off by saying my daughters mother and I have been together since 6/6/6. We met that day and have been inseparable.

In around 2008, her brothers introduced me to heroin. And I immediately started down an ugly spiral. I went from having a professional office job to literally living on the streets. All the while she stuck with me. On 11/11/11 I got clean and have been ever since. That’s the entire thing behind my problem. She stuck with me. She stayed and didn’t leave when she SHOULD have.

On or about 2012 her mother lost her long battle with cancer. 3 weeks later her brother who had introduced me to heroin ODed and died. Exactly 6 days later her uncle died. This made her lose all of her family besides one brother who was still actively using. And she started drinking. Heavily. This caused her to fight with both my son (from a previous marriage) and her brother. This was around 2018 and I got sick of all the protests and losing multiple jobs because of idiots blocking the interstate protesting the president. So we packed up our bags and moved back to where I grew up. This was a huge change as we moved from Eugene Oregon to right outside Birmingham Alabama.

All the while her alcohol intake increased 10 fold. When this happened, her drunken rage was directed at my 16 year old son while I would go outside with my daughter to keep her away from that nonsense. Eventually he got sick of it and at 17 told me “dad you know I love you but I will end up in jail if I stay here. I’m going back to Oregon. I know I’m underage but you can either get behind it, or you will wake up one day soon and I will just be gone.” So I helped him move back to Oregon.

This now means her drunken rage will be directed at ME or my daughter. So I live here miserable. I’d rather have it directed at me than my daughter. But it’s getting so bad I don’t know how much more I can take.

She gets home from work, immediately takes 4 shots of bottom shelf vodka back to back to back to back then another shot every 10 minutes until she passes out. DAILY. She isn’t violent but she says the most hateful mean things imaginable. And says things like drunk me says things sober me wants to but won’t. Then she has absolutely no memory of any of it the next day and my daughter and I have to pretend it didn’t happen. She can’t remember conversations from 3 minutes ago but wants to argue about things that happened years ago. When in her intoxicated rage, she constantly downs me for my using that I literally have 4,893 days off of but won’t hear a word of a response. Yeah I used. Yea I was a POS when I was using. But that lasted a couple years. I’ve stuck around over a decade of constantly being told how sorry I am for the things I did then pretending it didn’t happen. None of it.

I’ve asked her to slow down…not even stop…She won’t. I’ve asked her to make mixed drinks as that will mean less actual alcohol intake, she won’t. I’ve threatened to leave if she didn’t stop she says good.

I finally found someone going through almost the same situation and we lean on each other for support. And now she (daughter’s mom) thinks I’m banging my friend. Never mind it’s been over 2 decades since my lips have touched another woman. But because we have a mental connection she says I’m cheating. Just because I’ve found someone who understands what I’m going through who I can talk to…

Am I the asshole in this situation? Did my couple years of using warrant me the rest of my life being miserable? Would leaving make me the asshole?

I just don’t know what to do at this point.