I am feeling conflicted on how to proceed. My fiance (M35) and I (F30) are getting married this fall. Basically, I feel like he juuls too often (buying a pack every other day that’s $27 each) and orders delivery 4 times a week, even though we live in the most walkable city. I have my vices (weed) but I pack a lunch every day and feel like I’m trying to be frugal. Those are the two things he buys but I’m still anxious about it - plus I just want him to not even quit vaping, but definitely cut back. I love him unconditionally and want to have kids with him. I know it’s his life. But whenever I engage with this he basically shuts down.

He ordered a sandwich today ($21 total) and I brought it up (again, I’ve tried in other contexts) and he freaks it. I feel bad and he’s just getting more upset. I leave for a bit to grab a coffee and threw him his sammy bag - not out of anger but I wanted him to eat it!! But he said I ruined the meal and called me a bitch. I can be a bitch but I didn’t feel like one in that moment. And don’t tell me to end it - I’m a mess and he’s dealt with me having outbursts before.

The question is, should I just drop both? It’s his life, but marriage means we should be able to have these convos. I’m willing to do anything. I feel awful. More than willing to be the asshole too.