It’s gonna be long so get ready.

I have been nearly 2 years living with my gf, the beginning was not easy for both of us, but after around 5months, it was an amazing relationship. We were very connected and complimented each other perfectly. We even decided to have a shared account with the goal of saving for a house.

Last January, I was really broke because I went to my hometown during Christmas, and wasn’t able to make many hours of work, so out of stupidity and growing gambling issues, I took out money from our shared account. Around 200€ and gambled them and lost. (it was the first and only time that I cross the boundary of using our shared money). After that as it’s normal she felt betrayed and didn’t trust me anymore with financial compromises as I was not saving as much as her and we stopped having a shared account.

Of course I know I made a big mistake and I should never gamble. Even worst touch money that is not exclusively mine. I cannot excuse it. It was dumb. Since then she told me she was heartbroken but at the end she would try to make it work. I started going to gamblers anonymous for 4 week and never gambled since.

Somehow a week after me gambling our shared money, she goes to a party with a friend, goes to a random dude place with her friend, stayed there 4 hours and came back home at 9:30 blacked out and denied that she was ever somewhere else than the club, till I show her that I saw her location. Even she tried to lie to me about her location and the amount of time she was in that guy place I understood she was hurt and trusted her not doing anything wrong.

We started to have continuous arguments about everything till the point it was not healthy anymore, but we had a trip programmed to Thailand already, so during the 3 weeks of the trip we decided to make peace and actually had a really nice time.

After the trip, back to reality. She went to party with some friends and texted me to come after I was done with work. So I did. But what I found it was not the most grateful image, she sorounded by 4 guys, 3 of them slapping her ass. Witch she says were gay but still not the best image to have about your gf. I approached them and she is wasted af. Shortly after, we moved to another club, and on the way she decided to just remember me how useless I am, how she still doesn’t know why we live together, throws away the gloves that I just gift her. Btw I am taking so much shit because since January she is being in therapy and she got Borderline Personality disorder. So I was taking it like, ok, she is having an episode because of the alcohol.

We arrive to the club, she suddenly changed her mood of “you are a piece of shit “ and starts dancing to me, and at some point flash her boobs to me. I tell her wtf are you doing don’t do that again we are in a club there is lot of people. So she decides to do it again saying why are you so jealous? you sound like a jealous ex. I felt so disrespected that I immediately left.

She came home about 30 minutes after cried for a bit and went to sleep. Then the next day apologise to me about what she said, explains to me that she didn’t mean anything that she was just wasted, and she gets like this when she is that drunk. But then started blaming me about not caring about her because I left her being blacked out in a club… somehow that day I just had enough, but still felt that it’s what I deserve for gambling 200€ from our shared account.

I promised myself that I was never gonna be disrespected that way again, witch caused some conflicts but nothing too big, until a day that I told her at 22:00 that I am feeling anxious so I am going for a walk, she says to me “why are u going for a walk now, don’t u see that I need you here now, you cannot read me anymore that’s why I feel disconnected to you, don’t you think that I am gonna be worried thinking about how are you gonna be walking so late”, btw all of this in a agressive tone. So that triggered me and I was like: how do you think I feel when you go party and get fucking blacked out. Then she tells me you are living in the past I thought we were moving forward but I see you are not I need space from you, we are not working living together so I am gonna tell the landlord tomorrow that we are leaving next month, I will live for a while with a friend

I live in the Netherlands and it’s extremely complicated to find a place, my close friends lives in a studio witch makes very difficult for me to be there for more than a few days, plus we just came from vacation I didn’t work for 3 weeks, so I don’t have money to pay for the deposit of a new place.

Next day afterwork I went with some workcolleagues to a bar and went back home at 22:45 and woke her up to know what was going on, if we were together or not. she was like idk just leave me alone I need to sleep( she was flying back home because her grandma had a heartatack) , witch I didn’t really respect as a should have, but because I was really worried about me being homeless. I was too insistent into talking, so she basically told me to fuck off, then in the morning wakes me up to bring her to the airport (Friday).

I was not in my best mental state after all of that, so i convinced myself that the relation was over, that I was gonna break up so after a Saturday evening having drinks, I went back home and opened a bumble account being drunk, witch I deleted the next day because of the cringe was giving me having a dating app.

I called her Friday, she was like: already really? I told you I need space to decide if we continue or not. Saturday we made no contact, Sunday we had a 10 min call, Monday when she is back she breaks up with me crying and telling me how much she loves me, and I might be stupid but I love her so hard and i am such a pussy that even being convinced that it was not working, I told her to give it one more try. Take it slowly day a day.

We were doing ok for 5 days till a friend send her a picture of my bumble account. So she now broke up with me for cheating on her ( I had the app 1 day) and decided to post my pictures on instagram claiming me as a cheater

AITAH??????