I (17F) celebrated my birthday a few days ago. I was away on a school trip for the actual thing but the next day I was at home with family so we celebrated then. I had a great day on the school trip with friends but not so much at home.

It was great in the morning and we did presents and I was super happy and thanked my parents a lot, as they’d put a lot of effort in. We went out and had a nice dinner and it was all great. When we got home I was very tired because I’d been travelling all of yesterday and wanted to go to bed.

My mum wanted photos, but she has a habit of posting photos I don’t like on social media even though I’ve told her not to so it annoyed me quite a bit. She lit my cake and I posed for photos but apparently I looked miserable which was nice of her to say, which made me even more annoyed. Normally we have a family tradition of singing happy birthday in multiple languages but I was tired and said in advance I only wanted one. They sang in English, then moved to French and I asked them again to stop. They tried Spanish and I got very annoyed they weren’t listening to me and tried to storm off but my dad shouted at me so I came back, blew out my candles and had a slice of cake.

My mum then went off upset and my dad and sister (19) got mad at me saying I’d upset her. I tried to explain I was annoyed because no one was listening to me, a reoccurring theme in my family, but my sister is studying psychology and called me a narcissist? They wanted me to apologise to my mum but I genuinely didn’t feel I’d done anything more wrong than she had. I went and spoke to my mum and she said that my birthday wasn’t just about me but about the family and her because she’d given birth to me. I said that it was my birthday so people should listen to me about small things that I wanted done my way, and that on their birthdays I make a huge effort to do things their way because it’s their day.

My mum said I wasn’t listening to her and that I wasn’t validating her feelings and that she won’t make an effort for my next birthday. It turned into a huge row about what I do for the family versus what she and my other family members do. She said I’m withdrawing from the family and the traditions, but she’s also the one that sent me to boarding school?

Really unsure of where she’s coming from, I feel really upset and annoyed because now my birthdays ended in tears for me but no one cares, all they care about is that my mother’s upset. She’s the adult, why should she rely on me to validate her feelings and listen to her when she never listens to me or takes my feelings into account? It feels very much like double standards.