I met a woman on Reddit a while back. She was a bit younger than me, but we had some things in common and had fun together. We met up and spent a few hot and heavy weeks together, even telling each other we were catching feelings. Since neither of us had our own place, I would always book a 4- to 5-star hotel or apartment for us.

Then, out of nowhere, she freaked out and accused me of hacking her social media accounts. It turned out she had simply changed her passwords and forgotten them. We reconnected a couple of days before I had to return to work—I’m a roughneck on an oil rig and was scheduled to be away for six weeks. I didn’t expect her to wait for me, but we kept in touch the whole time I was gone.

To my surprise, she practically begged me to meet up the day I got back, even though I had to take connecting flights. I took that as a good sign. But after a few days together, she blocked my number and social media, completely cutting me off. That hurt—badly.

A few days later, I found out she had met someone else while I was away, and they’d had a massive fight just before I returned. I was crushed but decide to let it go.

About a week and a half later, she called me in tears, begging for helpful. She and the new guy had rented an apa rtment together, had another big blow-up, the police were called, and he was arrested. A domestic violence order was put in place. Against my better judgment, I went to see her, helped her clean up the apartment (it was in her name), and even lent her some money—idiot, I know. i Then I went to visitors family for five days. When I got back, I wanted to check in and see how she was doing. Within half an hour of talking, I found out she had already made plans to be picked up by the other guy.

At that point, I lost it. I called her every name in the book and said things I knew would hurt her. I even sent the other guy photos of the apartment and shared some embarrassing (non-explicit) things she had posted on Reddit with her mother.

Since then, I’ve reached out to apologize so we could at least part on good terms. She seemed to accept the apology at first, but then started accusing me of something else I didn’t do. At that point, all ties were cut.

Am I the asshole for saying and doing what I did?