Hey everyone. I want some outside opinions for something I have been growing mad over the past couple of weeks.

For context, my sister is my best friend. We are not blood related but have been best friends since hs (over a decade ago). Almost two years ago I managed to find a house big enough for not only my kid but also my sister and her kiddo too. Since then, we as friends and single parents have worked together to not only help raise out kids but run a home together. We don’t party. We hardly go out even together (maybe once or twice a year). And we don’t bring people over to our house outside of family and maybe our kids’ friends and their parents. Also, both of our kids’ father are either minimally active (visits once a year and sends a gift on birthdays) or not active at all. My sister and I talked about if we got serious with someone and what the expectations would be before bringing them around since we are both straight. Just a simple “hey I wanna bring so and so over to meet you guys and get to know everyone. Would that be ok?” This was agreed by both of us. This was also agreed upon for the first time an s/o sleeping over. Like a heads up almost. This is due to trust issues with people, being protective of our kids and previous PTSD from partner that these boundaries WERE so important.

Cut to my sister dating a guy for about three months. First time I find out he was over without giving me a heads up is when my coworker drops me off after an escape room late at night. She said he was only outside and over there because his cousin was our neighbor (we live in a small town) and they had a birthday party. Second time, she just comes home with him and introduces us right there. I know this might be weird but I am very particular with people coming over. Cool with it if you give me a heads up. Major anxiety seeing a stranger and I don’t know walk into my house while I’m in my night shorts on the couch. But the same day I met him in actual person (I forgot to mention he didn’t talk to me the night my coworker dropped me off) was the day he spent the night. And I didn’t know until he woke up the next day walking around the house. So I tried to ignore my emotions on that. I thought I was being a prude or over reactive. But over the past month and a half, he has come over every day. Even when my sister went out of town with my kid and hers, he came over and crashed at our place. But here’s my biggest issue and the thing I can’t sleep at night over.

The dude has the code to our door. After not getting communication over everything, this has pushed me over. He doesn’t eat our food or bring bring people over. But he sells the devils lettuce on the street when it legal, he smokes in front of my kid which I’m not ok with (even though I’m partake myself) and gets mad if my sister doesn’t answer his text. As her friend, I’m worried. But I have no say or opinion in her relationship. As someone who shares a house with her, has trauma and agreed about clear expectations of communication before doing anything, I am really hurt. Sometimes I have a hard time believing if I am valid to feel this way or if I’m over reacting.

I texted her yesterday asking to have a one on one chat with her. No text back even though I heard her with her bf in her room. I sent a follow up text saying that I needed to talk to her before my kids birthday (this weekend) because I don’t want this bothering me anymore. She left for her overnight shift shortly after I sent the second text. And yes her bf is still in our house even though she is will be working for the next 8 hours. Reddit AITA for feeling this way and bringing this up to my sister?