Well, it’s a long story, hope you stick to it English isn’t my mother tongue so if you notice any mistakes I do apologise plus it’s a phone post.

I (38f) got married (41m) five years ago and have a 9yo girl from my previous marriage. My ILS have always treated her as theirs and they have been in her life since she was born hence my SIL is a friend of mine and began dating her brother after divorce when she was two.

I underwent bariatric surgery 15 years ago and became really weak at drinking but I love some beer at adult events and his relatives saw me drunk at a wedding and prom and I overheard them talking about it. Never cared though. Everyone else was as well and my daughter was at my parents. However I am aware they put a label on me.

Fast forward to something unexpected, I got pregnant, not something we could ever expect because I had my IUD well placed and didn’t want more children. To give you some background I had thrombosis during my first pregnancy and my daughter went straight away to NICU and I knew it was recurring so I flipped out.

We had a gender reveal party and received much love from everyone but that was it, never got a single message from my husband’s relatives about the baby or even myself.

When I was two months away from being due, doc said my exams weren’t great and I needed to rest therefore I took a medical leave from work (I’m a kindergarten teacher). I posted on instagram some of my worries and his cousins texted me messages of hoping for the best and that was it.

Taking a medical leave in my country means you get an insurance from the government and it takes a while to be processed so I had no income and many things to buy for the baby.

As we aren’t rich I was really looking forward to having a baby shower and getting a few things. I couldn’t put any effort into it and had to rest therefore my family helped me with the baby clothes and accessories, my dad bought them all.

I expected something would come from his family once they always throw showers to brides to be and cousins moving in to their new homes ( all the kids in his family are older than us together) but since they have these family gatherings to raise funds or gifts and naively thought they would have something for my baby. Well, Nothing.

My family encouraged me to invite everyone to attend a burger place we love and if they could afford bring a gift to the baby. Some of them showed up and I spoke out loud how hard it was to keep my baby in the womb and how triggering the situation was since I had lived something like that previously. They heard and never said anything. Not even a message afterwards.

My baby was born prematurely and went to NICU. My worst nightmare once again.

God knows what I felt and lived. My husband backed me up and my daughter tried to hold her horses but I was devastated I rested and did everything to avoid that. When we were dismissed from hospital, eight days later, his family decided to show up asking to visit us. I am very strict with it and have always been, NICU babies don’t receive visits. They can’t get any virus plus my son is a cardiopatic, he needed to get his vaccines before being exposed.

I became a c***t, not sure if I became or in their mid I have always been. My husband’s aunt (a newly married one to his uncle) told me they say horrible things about me. How selfish I am for not allowing them to see my baby, that I am pushing my hb away from everyone and even judged me for having my parents close to help around during postpartum.

When he was two months we took him to a 90yo party in his family, their grandfather’s birthday but asked them not to hold him but they could be around. His pediatrician told my husband it would be better this way so he also told his family that however I became the joke I was called the jealous mom.

AITH for not letting they grab my baby? No one ever cared about us so should I have allowed them to take pictures and holding the baby?