I (25M) and my wife (27F) have been married for about 3 years now. I just got back from an 8 month deployment in September, and I just got rushed out for a month long one about 2 weeks ago.

We have a friend group, me, my wife, a couple who’s currently living with us until they get their house, and one other friend who’s a guy. Good friend of mine.

As soon as I left, from what it seems this guy started coming by a lot more and doing stuff in the house. Cut my grass, helped my wife hang up lights in the patio, they’ve been going out sometimes with the other couple living in the home. Right now she was helping him fix something in his motorcycle and now he’s taking her for a ride on it since they fixed it. The thing too is that her and I were talking about getting bikes together and since has started the process on her own and went out with him to get a helmet and start the process. I’m currently deployed so I can’t be there and this was something we were gonna do together.

I expressed my discomforts to my wife about some specific things, especially with how close they’ve gotten and how since I’ve left it just seems like he jumped in a filled a role that I’m supposed to be doing? Every time I’ve expressed my issues I’ve been told I’m extremely insecure and jealous. Told me she’s tired of me being like this. Am I in the wrong here? Am I the asshole?