To start this off I might as-well say I’m 21M’ and my gf isF 20’ we have been together for about 3-4 years and she has been nothing less than perfect I wanted to marry this girl . I was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago and have been through most treatments that had high chances of working, until recently my doctor told me that I’ll be doing chemo to keep me alive until they can “hopefully” find something that will cure me. My mental state was actually very good going through it all until the doctor said that it broke me inside I lost hope finally and fell into depression, I’ve always been a bad party guy like I fall into blackouts from xanxs that have lasted up-to a month….. I don’t remember anything. To get to the point is I had one of these episodes because I didn’t wanna deal with the feelings I had , I’ve been out for an entire week and the fkn one thing I do remember is a hooker giving me head I then went home and confessed to my partner about what had happened I explained that I didn’t mean it and I didn’t sleep with her and I didn’t decide it I was so fkd up I left as soon as I realised what happened I then asked if she wanted to break up and to my surprise she asked for me to stay and work through this, I love her more than anything so I wanted to stay and just do anything she wants to make her happy I cried for 5 days straight almost saying how sorry I am. The next few weeks where going good so I thought but I turns out that wasn’t the case she and I had gone to our friends 21st bday and I left at 10am because I can’t drink but she stayed and stayed at my friends house and slept in his bed cuddles him and kissed him but she didn’t tell me this not until almost 3 weeks later when I had grown suspicious over her and him and confronted her…. It started slowly she seem normal okay but I’m very insecure over her mainly the fact my ex gf was the type to cheat on you when she get mad but I was head over heels and after what I did to her I thought it’s coming for sure so I was going through her socials btw we share accounts and location and saw that she had recently looked at his acc I was like ok and then 2 days later she did it again I was like okay I’ll unfollow him so she knows but no she followed him back then I went away for a week to see my sister and during that time she said a lot of text saying she doesn’t know how she feels about us and I was just trying to keep her happy and our friends bday is coming up and she said u can come if you’d like and I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t want me there so I’m going and to confirm my suspicions she definitely fancy’s him but I believe they didn’t sleep together because they weren’t that awkward like ik what ppl act like when they have slept with someone they shouldn’t it very obvious anyway she treated me like shit the whole night was just being a terrible person I asked what was wrong and she said “nothing I’m just with my girls what’s wrong” she wasn’t being a slit she was just be happy I’d come over and instant mood change anyway I confronted her the next day and didn’t stop the pressure until she folded and broke down explaining what she did and why she didn’t tell me and that she want to do couple therapy and self therapy because she is shocked herself apparently, during the time I was pressuring her to say something she denied it and flip the whole thing around on me which was working for awhile so she manipulated me but the worst parts is I asked her if anything happen between her and him I said how I’m concerned and she said just Fkn lied to my face then pulled my head in for a kiss I explained that we have both hurt each other I got oral from someone else while you lied and manipulated me but if you’d like we can try fix this we have been through so much together and we both agreed and been working at it. However only 2 weeks later she went out to a dinner with her friend but it was at a spot I know my friend would be so I asked her to not go I begged her but she still went she said it’s only and hour I’ll show you my dinner sent text constantly which she did but that just hurt so much I just know have the feeling that she’s checked out of the relationship and staying with me because I wanna un alive myself and she doesn’t wanna seem bad , I just need honesty I’ve never lied to her I can’t I can’t look her in the eyes and lie but she can she can lie manipulate and disregard my feelings and my feeling at the moment are like I’ve never felt i know I’m most likely dying from cancer at 21-23 I hurt the person that means the most to me and she has broken me in return.. my chest hurts my heart hurts my throat always has a lump I cant smile endless someone else is there I can’t go a day without crying I’m so insecure it’s insane I feel so betrayed from the lies I think about ending it most days I ask her everyday if she want to fix this but it’s just not the same anymore and I don’t think she wants it to be we are active in bed and cuddle like usual and try to hangout constantly but it seems so forced to me i don’t know if it’s just me that feels it or just her I feel like she has supported me so much leading up-to this that she is over me… is my relationship over the only thing i had left? Or can it be saved?