For context I’m south Asian and and my boyfriend is mixed Jamaican and white . Apologies for how this is written I’m all over the place in my feelings over it. His primary friend group is completely white we are the only coloured people. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years now and I love him it’s going rlly well the only point of contention in our relationship is literally these friends and it’s bothering me because I just feel like i have no clue how to move forward with this situation. I’ve always played Xbox and so has my boyfriend with his friends and when I first met them and started playing games with them I felt a bit intimidated because they were a large group but they seemed to be ok and nice as they seemed welcoming of me I tried to befriend them too because they are his friends he’s known since high school however it became apparent pretty early that they were very immature and crude in their joking they would always make rlly innapropriate jokes like ‘dark humor stuff’ say the f slur make racist jokes making fun of ppls accents and incestuous shit as well as just being straight up rude to me telling me to shutup or whatever then immediately apologise but continue?. I chalked it down to ignorance and immaturity but felt extremely uncomfortable and I told my boyfriend this he would apologise and say that the behaviour was wrong but he couldn’t control how they behaved and he didn’t like it either but he’s been friends with them for so long what can he do he doesn’t want to be friendless and after me at one point actually crying because I felt so disrespected when they were telling me to shutup and having ‘banter w me’ which I just found disrespectful he finally stood up for me and told them off but it just upset me it took him me actually crying over it for him to do something which he says he’s sorry for and regrets they sent me messages apologising saying they didn’t realise they were upsetting me and they didn’t want to upset me and would stop bantering w me because they were just joking and didn’t mean it seriously but that didn’t excuse it or whatever. I would also point out in the moment that these jokes were crass and not funny as well as deeply offensive and I will say they would apologise and I thought we were reaching an understanding as one of his friends especially seemed deeply apologetic and I thought we were genuinely becoming friends however I started noticing that I was being like left out of things like for example there was a secret Santa and they didn’t include me although every one else was and I was included in the last one and that was blamed on my boyfriend for not reading the gc messages and saying to include me however I find that strange as I was included the year prior and my boyfriend didn’t think to do that because he just thought it was a no brainer I would be invited so my boyfriend later bought me a present and apologised so I thought that was sorted but the friend I thought was nice started making mean jokes about me not being included and I felt hurt. I just laughed it off because I thought I was being too sensitive but I did feel upset. I also saw on my boyfriends phone that in their group chat they were saying the f slur and this friend said better delete it guys she might see it on his phone which just made me feel like a complete idiot and a joke to them and like the apologies were so fake. I noticed my boyfriend didn’t say anything which I confronted him about to which he just said he didn’t see the message which he was at mine and we were busy but idk if I believe it.I started distancing myself after that stopped joining the Xbox party as much and stuff because I felt like an alien and was tired of listening to shit and complaining about it and my boyfriend also distanced more not completely tho and since this time there have been so many outings I wasn’t invited to and my boyfriend would go to and he keeps saying why do u need an invitation just come however he always goes ‘last minute’ so how am I supposed to come and before they would at least message me or say for me to come so why would I impose in somewhere I’m obviously not wanted it’s just awkward and it makes me upset because my boyfriend just says well you don’t like them anyways so why are you upset that they aren’t inviting you and you aren’t a special guest no one gets invited they just come and I’m like???? That makes no sense he went out with them a few weeks ago and said they mentioned me and that I should come to the Minecraft movie so I did because I wanted to see how my boyfriend would behave with them and everything was fine it was awkward and no one rlly talked to me but no one was rude and it was like a short thing can’t rlly say much in a movie but he’s gone out with them again today another ‘last minute thing’ and I can’t help but feel upset I don’t want my boyfriend to have no friend’s but I also don’t want to feel excluded all the time and disrespected and it just makes me feel like my boyfriend is being 2 faced with me because he’s so sweet usually and nice but when it comes to this he’s defensive. I’ve even pointed out to him before that they are rlly rude to him and call him stupid all the time and he agrees that it upsets him and he wishes he had more friends but what can he do and he’s like it’s just a difference in culture . And I’m like what’s the solution and he’s like just stay away from them and I just feel like this is not a solution and is building resentment between us because ofc I don’t mind not always being included and ofc ik he should spend time with his friends on his own but when I know other ppls gfs are there and no one’s asked me to go or anything I do feel upset and I do feel like it’s because said something about the mysoginistic racist homophobic shit which I’m glad I did but why can’t he see that they are leaving me out and what do I do about my boyfriend because I’m at a loss here I don’t want him to have no friends but if he’s co-signing their behaviours and staying quiet even tho he says to me it’s fucked up what does that say abt him. Hes genuinely so lovely and loving and has become a real part of my family but i just dk how to like deal with this because he says he doesn’t like conflicts n stuff and i just dk what to do.