It was my husband's day off so we invited my dad and his new wife to join us for lunch at our favorite local restaurant. For context, my mother died 7 years ago and my dad remarried quickly. His new wife, we'll call her "Allison" is nice enough to spend time with and I often find myself liking her.

That said, I do not see her as a member of my family just because she managed to steamroll her way into our private lives. She pursued my dad very aggressively as soon as they met and I've tried to be honest and open with everyone as to how difficult that was for me, but no one seems to care. This has made it all the harder for a relationship to grow organically between Allison and myself. The thing is, I love my dad, and try hard to be respectful of his life choices and Allison who, like I said, I might someday consider a friend.

The controversy came when an acquaintance approached our table to say hello and my husband introduced Allison as his mother-in-law. I cringed and tried to explain politely that she is my father's wife. To my reasoning, my mother was not present, ergo my husband's mother-in-law was not present. I didn't mean to be rude to Allison or anyone, but feel it would be disrespectful of my mom's memory to treat her as some interchangeable element. My dad and husband both know i feel this way, but disregard my feeling at every turn. I admit that my mom's untimely death hit me especially hard and I'm still not over it. I simply can't handle my dad's attempts (there have been many) to erase my mother and now he's gotten my husband roped into this conspiracy. I don't know if he was trying to win support points with my dad, but my husband doubled down on his introduction, claiming that since Allison is married to my dad, that makes her my mother. I let it go at that, because I didn't want to destroy what had been such a friendly lunch. But my husband's refusal to respect my feelings on the matter hit me like a punch in the gut and this has long been a pattern for him. I guess I'm just trying to figure out AITAH for not letting it go immediately, or for letting it go for so long?