Throwaway because she follows my main account. Apologies for the wall of text, trying to give context without oversimplifying things.

So, this week I had to attend a 3-day conference in my city’s downtown. I wasn’t allowed to expense the company due to it being close enough to where I live and I did not want to try to fight for parking or pay high parking fees (the hotel is near a baseball stadium/touristy area, it was opening week for baseball, and it was spring break for a number of schools). So I was initially going to schedule a uber/lyft to go back and forth each day.

My gf offered to take me instead when I told her how I planned to get there. We’ve been together around 3.5 years and live together. She currently doesn’t have a job or school, but the days start early (7am) and end late (10pm). So I asked her if that’s okay, and if she didn’t feel like it just give me a heads up so I can call an uber. She agreed and I took her to a favorite restaurant as a thank you.

The first day’s drop off went fine, but on the pickup there was traffic from the baseball game getting out. I get in the car and she’s hungry so we agree to get out of downtown and stop somewhere. She yells at me a couple times over directions to a Thai place she wanted (I was not fast enough putting directions on her phone and putting it back where she could see it). A few minutes later she apologizes for yelling but she was stressed from traffic. We eat and go to bed around 12am.

Next morning is fine, at night she asks if I can get an uber, so I say sure and get one back. When I get back around 10:30 she has friends over and she asks if I can clean. I clean the house and her friends leave around 12am. I wasn’t exactly happy that she invited friends over this week without telling me and they made a mess I ended up cleaning.

The next morning, and she tells me through gestures that it hurts to talk (she was singing with her friends and her voice was weak). When we are in the car she gestures to talk to her to keep her awake, so I was just talking to her about the conference. She started some gestures to try to respond to me, but I wasn’t understanding. She was doing a gesture for ‘call’ and a half circle motion. I said something like “Call someone to clean your car?”, but that was wrong. She started hitting her steering wheel hard and then slapping my thigh. I told her to stop hitting my leg cause it hurt. She started then speaking saying that she was asking me to call an uber for pick up and started yelling at me things like “Why would I say that?” and “You’re pissing me off by saying I’m hitting you”. When she gets mad while driving she usually drives more erratic so I told her to pull over so I could call an uber twice but she refused and got on the highway instead saying I’d be late and it’d be “silly” to call one. She continued asking me versions of why I thought that’s what she was saying earlier, and I kept answering “I’m tired and it’s difficult to understand charades in the morning.”, but she took issue with me calling it charades and argued with me all the way to the hotel. She asks me if I’m mad and I say “No”. This is a lie, I did feel mad. Maybe this is where AH, but anytime I’ve said “Yes” it’s usually been more trouble than it’s worth, especially right before the last day of the conference.

I go through some meetings and eventually I get a text a few hours later apologizing for yelling, and she asks me to clean when I get home in the same text.

The last day ends early and I call an uber and come home around 6pm. She’s apologetic and I do some cleaning. Eventually she accuses me of not talking to her when she was waiting all day for me to come home. I tell her I’m just tired from the conference, and after talking for a bit, she asks me to pick up dinner. I agree and get it, eventually around 11pm I try to sleep and after some protesting from her we go to bed.

The next day she’s continuously giving me hugs and kisses, but I find myself being more and more disappointed with how the last couple days went. I barely ask her favors and I’m constantly doing favors for her including driving her to things but when I ask for a favor a lot of the time something like this happens. This conference was important to my career, and I felt like I was distracted by these personal events. In the past, I chalked it up from stress with her job/school, but she’s graduated and a doesn’t have a job now and it’s still happening.

She’s saying I’m being mean by not accepting her invitations and being short with her currently. She’s asked if I’m mad but I honestly don’t feel mad, I’m just feel kind of numb to it. Maybe I’m being the AH for not being more open about my feelings, but she’s held things I’ve shared against me in the past.

AITA? Any advice appreciated as this is actually my first and only relationship.