Am I the asshole? Okay so for context: my best friend and I are 25 female. Been friends for years, she’s like my sister. I have always had a weird vibe from her though when it comes to me and men. She’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t have much dating experience. Where I on the other hand, have had serious relationships and dated. She always hated the men I date, some for valid reasons bc the men are shitty but other times it feels like her hatred is a bit over the top. I also get a lot of attention from men, that she has seen first hand when we’re out in about and I feel as if it has bothered her. I feel terrible about it. I want her to feel wanted and loved. She has the mentality that she doesn’t care and that she would rather be single anyway but now there’s a new problem. Keep in mind- I do make an effort to make her feel involved and wanted and try to never rub my dating life in her face but we also tell each other everything.

-NEW PROBLEM:So about a year and a half ago, my best friend, myself and another friend were all at dinner together. Our waiter was a very attractive man who looked around our age. My best friend and my other friend pointed out how cute he was, and I agreed. Towards the end of our dinner my one friend suggested that we write our number on the bill for the attractive waiter. We all discussed he was cute and out of good fun we all wrote him a note and said to text us. So we were all hitting on him. We also had a couple drinks so it was mainly us just being silly and messing around. Nothing serious. Well, he never texted us and come to find out, it was because he was in a relationship. From then on out, My best friend and I always had this joke about how we thought the waiter was cute and we also frequently went to the restaurant he worked at. Then a few months later, we end up seeing him out at the local bar and having a little chat with him. Very lighthearted because at this point we weren’t sure if he was still in a relationship. So keep in mind we don’t know this guy at ALL, we just found him attractive.

-fast forward to NOW, my best friend and I were hanging out and I told her I found his instagram and we both decided to follow him for fun, we also see that he is single. She jokingly tells me she wants to message him but I tell her it’s not a good idea because so do I and I don’t want it to become weird because we both think he’s attractive. I tell her we should just leave it be unless he reaches out to us first and she agrees and we move on. Then a week later, he ends up messaging me on Instagram, him and I become talking and now we’re going on a date this weekend. When he first messaged me, I immediately told my best friend and was very kind about it, in my head I didn’t think it was a big deal. We don’t know this guy, have no history with him, etc. I do have boundaries when it comes to that stuff but in my head it’s like don’t go on a date with the same person your friend did, don’t kiss the same guys, etc. I didn’t think she would be upset since he was pretty much a stranger. Well when I told her he messaged me, her face became white as a ghost and she immediately became weird. All of a sudden she’s telling me she didn’t find him cute anymore, thinks he’s a fuck boy, and that if he had messaged her, she wouldn’t have replied . I call BS to what she’s saying and tell her, if he had messaged you, I would want you to reply, I also tell her yeah I might be a little jealous and feel the sting but oh well. She basically told me I was breaking girl code. Which I have never ever done and it made me feel terrible. She told me she wish I wouldn’t speak to him. Then she got upset and said that whatever, guys always choose me over her anyways. I feel upset and angry over this, I didn’t feel like I was crossing a line. Towards the end of the convo, she said she didn’t care and it is what it is. But I’m having that moment I’ve had with her before that I can’t tell her things about men because she’s never happy for me. What do I do? Do I leave it be? I don’t like this feeling in a friendship and I don’t want to cut her off but would rather resolve it.