Hi, my bf got drunk last night and admitted that sometimes when he jerks off he thinks about other people. He said he misses watching porn looking at bigger tits and better vaginas.

I am very attractive not to be big headed so this definitely hurt my ego and feelings and I somewhat feel unattractive to him.

He said he thinks about sex all the time which I said is normal we are 20 and hormonal. But then he told me he jerks off every day of the week when we don’t have sex and that he wishes we did more but understands it’s difficult for us because we live with our parents in separate houses but we still have sex a minimum of 3 days a week and multiple times when we have the opportunity.

I said to him today when he was sober that I’m glad he was honest with me last night but I feel pretty hurt by the fact he would sometimes think about others and misses porn and he also said he just finds lots of people attractive he meets so it gave me the impression he would think about his work colleagues etc.

he said he was just wasted and talking bullshit last night and to ignore him. I told him I don’t think I can forget it so quickly and he said he understood and apologised lots.

I asked him if I could look through his phone because he gave me some doubts about if he was watching porn etc and he unhappily gave me his phone.

I found he had tried to delete his search history and it was all male masturbation toys. By the time I saw that he snatched the phone and deleted all his search history so I couldn’t see past yesterday’s searches.

He said I could check instagram and Snapchat to see he wasn’t texting anyone and cheating but when I went onto Reddit he snatched the phone and said I’m drawing the line here and that he deserves privacy.

I agreed that he deserves privacy but the way he was acting about Reddit was making me very suspicious and he tried to leave. I started to cry because I’m overwhelmed with the situation and very hurt he kept this stuff from me but he said I was trying to manipulate him by crying.

I told him I don’t think I can trust him because it’s very clear he’s hiding something and he said you need to either forgive me or break up because he’s apologised a lot and there’s nothing more he can do and he needs space from me for at least a week because he feels attacked.

I told him I don’t want to argue but when he hides things it makes me more suspicious and it becomes harder to trust him. He left.

I’m confused, I’m hurt. I don’t want to break up but I don’t know how to trust that there’s not other things he’s keeping from me.