Hi all,

I am a 36 year old female with a 32 year old boyfriend. We have been together for 6 + years. I’ve been married twice before and never had any children. He has not been married or had children. I bought my own home 10 years ago before I got married the second time and kept the home when we got divorced. My ex before him and I were trying for a baby and then he up and left with his little side piece from his job which left me kinda unsure what to do about kids in the future.

My current boyfriend and I were interested in the idea of having children early on but he wasn’t ready yet. I was ready. Here we are years later and now, I just don’t really think I want children. I ADHD, anxiety and depression. The ADHD diagnosis is only from a month ago. The plan is to get off the anxiety and depression meds if the Adderall works.

We had the talk last year about how I’m not sure I want to have a kid because of finances ( I want to pay some stuff off) and wanting to go back to school. I work at a college so tuition is free. It was hard for him to think we may not have kids but he said he wanted me and if that meant giving up the idea of children, it was fine. We have a great life together.

I thought were were good. He’s never asked me to get married so I never put his name on the house. (just being smart in case we break up)

We were at his parents house yesterday and I said something about the home and I said my house but did not mean it wasn’t his home. I said I wasn’t going to buy another house with him if my name wasn’t changed. (meaning we weren’t married but I want to) He then felt the need to say to his parents “why don’t you ask her about a grandkid?” I felt like a piece of garbage in that moment. I think he felt like he was being attacked about not being married yet...

I thought we talked about this already. I didn’t make a big deal about it at that moment and kept it to myself. We were watching tv later in the evening and the couple was talking about having a kid because his partner wanted one, he made a snarky comment like “see what people do for each other”. I just pushed it off.

Today, it’s all I can think about.

Should I be the A-hole and just tell him I can’t do this?