I (64/F) met (70/M) on a dating site. We have been seeing each other for 5 months. As the days went by, I found that he was slow to walk, stammers at times, kind of hisses when he gets frustrated e.g. when he cannot put on his socks or bend to pick up something he had dropped. He would hum like ‘mmmmm’ when he is struggling to find something. He tends to eat with his hands and licks his fingers when he eats, even when we are out. When I correct him, he gets irritable and shuts down. We’ve had a few quarrels but he decided to change as no one bothered to tell him of his idiosyncrasies. I’m also embarrassed if my children, friends or acquaintances meet him and he behaves in a quirky way? I have never known a man to change but I’ve been giving him the benefit of doubt. He also has ED. We both have had 2 failed relationships. We are both alone and without family or close friends.

He has retired after a gruelling life as a professional, he started drinking at 19 and has stopped 4 years ago. Initially, I thought he could be autistic and had asked him, to which he denied. He would also have episodes of doing things on a ‘high’ e.g. spending money, buying stuff that he really does not need. He is forgetful and there has been numerous times where he has misplaced his phone, forgotten where he had parked his car and where I had to help him find it. There are times where I think, I cannot do this. I do love him but at times feel that this relationship is not for me.

We have not quarrelled for the past month. He claims he does not want to have an argument with me. He compliments, praises and motivates me. He is loving and caring. He makes me laugh and makes me feel good. He lives a quiet life and becomes needy of me when I don’t see him for a couple of days. I have been alone for a long time and find it suffocating so much so I heave a big sigh when I get home and feel relieved. He doesn’t understand that I need space at times.

My issue is, all my life I have been there for my partners and children, seeing to their needs and caring for them but no one really cared about me. 70/M has made me feel loved and treasured, but I do not want to be his cook, cleaner and nurse. He also gets melanoma spots which he sees a doctor to freeze it. I feel his past drinking has slowed his brain and his gait. What am I in for? The thought of doing everything for a man again worries me. What if he gets dementia, what will I do? It’s all daunting to me and I have not told him how I feel as I don’t want to hurt him. He is a lovely man and very much alone, just like me.