First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/8F2TQ9cLq9

My husband and I are going to be traveling soon to attend his sister's wedding along with our one year old son. The plan was that we would land at his parent's place and attend one of the wedding ceremonies there. A few days after that, there's another wedding reception in my SIL's soon-to-be husband's city. My in-laws plan to book a few train compartments for the entire family, and an airbnb for the stay there (2-3 days).

I really don't want to be in a confined space with my in-laws for that long, especially with my son. My in-laws and I used to be cordial with each other until my son was born. A few weeks after delivery, my MIL and SIL visited us to "help". All they did was just find any opportunity to hold him, regardless of whether he was asleep or in my arms, criticizing me for being too clingy with him when I would put my foot down and basically started locking myself in my room with him, lament how poor my cooking was and how sorry they felt for their poor son/brother who had to endure it, until both my husband and I had had enough and my husband hinted heavily that they had overstayed their welcome. Since then, I get hounded for not sending enough pictures and videos of him, and how I dress him. I'm so grateful we're far enough away that we see them rarely.

I told my husband a couple of days ago that I'd rather we just fly from his parent's place to the other city and just stay at a hotel while we attend the second ceremony. My husband said that would make us look snobbish, that he himself wasn't over the moon about the whole itinerary but it was a family event and we should be with family. The fact that he wasn't into it frustrated me even more because like we're all making ourselves uncomfortable for what then? We got into an argument, his mother and sister's stay got rehashed and I told him he was choosing to make me uncomfortable rather than potentially risk his family being affronted. AITA?

Second Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/u5QrshoV6r

After reading the comments in my original post I had decided that taking the flight with my son rather than the train was non-negotiable. And I hoped to convince my husband for the 3 of us to stay at a hotel.

I brought up the topic with him again, and said that a 22 hour train ride wasn't fair to our son, he's been doing really well recently with his sleep cycle and messing that up for my in-laws sake wasn't right, regardless of what they ended up thinking. I was firm about it. He finally agreed. I thought it meant my son and I would be taking the flight and my husband the train, but he said he'd be taking the flight with us. He said the long train ride would be horrible for him without us, and that his family would bring up me taking the plane and he didn't want to be around for that. I was really happy and decided to bring up hotel accommodations and he agreed to that too, saying that his family were already going to be mad at us for taking the flight, so at this point, we might as well make ourselves comfortable.

When he told his parents about this, they did not take it well. My MIL complained about how everyone was looking forward to playing with and entertaining our son, that it was a family event and it wouldn't be fun without us. She even suggested to him that I could take the plane and my husband and son take the train, but my husband shut that down, said that our son doesn't react well to having his normal routine disrupted and we'd see them there.

So that's that. This has been such a weight off my shoulders! Since we're taking the flight, we'll be there a day before everyone else and can tour the city by ourselves. I also hope we can avoid having to go to the airbnb for everything. Like they're going to expect us to have breakfast/lunch/dinner with them but I'll rather we do our own thing for the meals (at least breakfast). But still this has been such a relief. Thank you to all those who gave me advice in the original post.

Update

A while ago I had posted about whether it would be ok if my husband and I abandoned his family's plan of a 22 hour train ride and a shared airbnb, and the comments had given me the confidence to convince my husband to make our own plans. We came back from the trip last night and are back at our house now.

After attending the first event in my IL's city we had booked our flight for the second event for the same day as my IL's had booked their train so that we wouldn't have to mind their house. We reached there a day before them and spent that day the 3 of us touring the city. My in-laws arrived a couple of hours later than scheduled but said the trip was immense fun. However, my husband spoke to a cousin who he's close with and who was on the train and ge spilled some tea.

He said it was all fun for the first 8 hours. Then old fights regarding inheritance and who'd been wronged by who 30 years ago got rehashed which spoiled the mood. He also said my husband and I came up, and the consensus was that my husband should be less submissive to me and put his foot down more often like a man, and not be so wasteful when it comes to money for me and our son.

We only met them for lunch and had breakfast at the hotel, despite their insistence because we wanted to relax and sleep in. According to that cousin some of those fights had continued overnight at the airbnb. The second wedding event went well, my husband and I had to put our foot down though because my MIL would ask for my son and then hand him over to some random relative and be confused when he would start crying. Neither of our families live in our city, so we don't have a ton of relatives visiting us regularly (thankfully) just our friends, so he's just not used to so many people, which we were told is bad parenting. After this happened a couple of times we took turns with him and stopped letting other relatives take him.

Their return ride on the train was yesterday afternoon, our flight was in the evening. They're still in the train on their way back. I sincerely wanted to thank everyone who backed me up in my first post, I don't know how I would've handled it.