So its been a few days sins I posted, and I am not expecting anyone to be waiting cot this but it feels like to have a pace to feel seen and heard. This is the link to the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/71u4tPq72B

Now to the update. So me and my boyfriend talked, we talked for what felt like forever and in thr beginning things wasn't going well, it felt like the same as before. Me giving my side and points of views and him saying he understand but I have to understand him and all he's efforts, and him again bringing up things that makes me feel like I need to be ashamed. While talking with him I thought of the comments I got and my own thoughts from just looking at my post. While listening to him I kinda snapped, and everything kinds just came out, I was a wreck and all over thr place but I/we got somewhere. I told him how hurt and disgusted I feel becuse of the things he dose and say. He listening and the conversation didn't just end with "you need to understand me" or "they make me uncomfortable, but i am not trying to isolate you" it's almost like me breaking down and telling him that i don't wanna keep arguing, that i don't wanna keeping feeling ashamed and disgusted flipped a switch in he's head. He finally sees things from my point of view. He realized that at some point he stopped trusting me, and started comparing me to he's ex, he realized he wasn't seeing my efforts only thinking of himself. He apologized alot and promise he's wiukrds wouldn't be empty promises he was gonna show he now understand through actions. He dosnt want us to break up, he wants us to continue he wanna show he mean it. He felt really bad and over the past few days things have been great. But I am not dumb, I am keeping my eyes open incredibly it's temporary. Sorry if this is all over the place, so much I wanna type but my mind is a med, absolute mess.

Posting of reddit gave me the opportunity to not only get outside perspective but also look at my owns words like an outsider and realize things. I feel better but drained. After months of arguing for atleast a week each month I just want this to be over. If he doesn't change, I know for a fact I can't allow myself to go through that again. I know know the damage he's attitude has had on my mental, I just wanna get better, us to get better ans him.

Sorry for grammer my mind is spinning, this kinds also turned into a rant hehe.