I (18F) met this guy (21M) not too long ago. When we first met, it wasn’t in a romantic way, we were just getting to know each other as friends. During our first conversation, I mentioned something about fathers, and he told me that his dad had passed away. I was really shocked because I’ve also lost my dad, and it felt like something we could relate to on a deep level. As we kept talking, he asked me how my father passed, so I told him, and naturally, I asked him the same question. He said it was a car accident. We continued to talk over the next month, and although he didn’t bring up his dad very often, whenever he did, he kept up with the story.

After about a month of getting closer and talking nonstop, we were kind of in a situationship at this point, he told me he needed to talk to me about something. That’s when he admitted that his dad isn’t actually dead. Instead, he explained that his father was abusive and had abandoned him, so while he’s still alive, he chooses to say he’s “dead” as a coping mechanism.

At first, I was shocked and honestly kind of upset. That’s a big thing to lie about, and it’s not really something I think should be lied about, especially since it created a false connection between us. Still, I decided to forgive him because I know what it’s like to grow up with an abusive parent, and I could understand where the pain might be coming from.

But the truth is, it’s been stuck in the back of my mind ever since. If he was able to lie about something so big, it makes me wonder what else he could lie about. On the other hand, he did come clean after a month, and maybe that says something, too. I’m just torn.