My (29F) sister (31F) and I are not very close. And not because of lack of trying on my part. She struggles to maintain communication with our family. She’ll go weeks before remembering to return a call to me or our mother. I’ve asked her about this before and she claims it isn’t an us problem, just an out of sight out of mind thing. Whatever it is, I’ve grown very tired of it.

I’m currently waiting on a call back for a message I left her nearly 3 weeks ago, but I’ve also resolved not to hound her. It’s exhausting for me to constantly be trying to reach her and I’m done wasting my time with it when 99% of the time she won’t answer.

The thing is, I’m pregnant. It’s still early (only 13 weeks along) so there’s plenty of time to tell her… but I don’t know when or if I’ll even have an opportunity to share the news. Our mother already knows but isn’t planning to share with her until I get the chance to tell her.

I actually have plans to see my sister in just over a week, but it’s for our mother’s wedding. I’m not a huge fan of using other people’s events to share big news so I don’t plan to tell her at the dinners or ceremony. I was originally thinking about trying to pull her aside during some of the downtime surrounding the events, but since she recently had a newborn of her own I don’t think she’s going to be spending much time with us outside of the major events.

It’s looking like I’m not going to have a chance to tell her leading up to the wedding, and honestly it’s probably going to be at least a couple of months before I get a hold of her after the wedding. So what do I do? At this point I’m thinking I might just not tell her. If it comes up then ok but I don’t know if I want to be jumping through hoops to share the news just because she won’t answer a phone call.

I kind of feel like a jerk about that though because part of me would be happy if she ended up feeling super guilty about not knowing I was pregnant until near the end. Like it would teach her a lesson maybe…? Maybe she’d realize communication and relationships are a two way street? I also probably harbor more resentment than I realize about how little she prioritizes our relationship.

Mainly I just want to know if I would be a massive AH for not trying harder to tell her or if this is the bed she made and I can go about my pregnancy not worrying about her feelings.

Edit: I feel I should add that I don’t intend to withhold the info. If I happen to talk to her or see her and get a chance to tell her I will. But I don’t think I want to chase her down trying.